Oregon Coach & Players as Cartoon Characters
Head Coach Mike Belotti- Donald Duck
It’s fitting that the Ducks’ head man be compared to the greatest duck cartoon of all time. Donald Duck was once one of the gems of the cartoon world, perhaps even more popular than Mickey Mouse. Yet in recent years, he has been relegated to obscurity, passed up by the modern and sophisticated cartoons of today. The same is true of Belotti- once considered by many to be the top coach in the game, now seemingly not as cool as the Carrolls, Stoops, Meyers and Tressels of the coaching world. Poor Duck.
Dennis Dixon- The Roadrunner
Dixon is fast, elusive, and creative with the ball. Plus, you never know when he might bust out his ACME cannon, the one attached to his shoulder. Not to mention the fact that just when you think Dixon is finally stopped, he gets some timely help from the cartoon creators (who, during the Oklahoma game, happened to be wearing striped shirts). After awhile, opposing fans start to sympathize with Wile E (the other team). Can’t they just stop the damned roadrunner, one time, please?
Jonathan Stewart- Tigger
Stewart bounces a lot. Off tacklers, through the hole, even in and out of the huddle, he has a little hop to his step. Fast as a tiger and powerful too, the guy never runs out of energy. As Tigger is everyone’s favorite Winnie the Pooh character, so too is Stewart everyone’s favorite Oregon Duck. But the most wonderful thing about Stewart? It’s that he’s the only one.
The Wide Receivers- The Power Puff Girls
I’m not calling the Ducks’ receivers a bunch of girls in skirts or anything. I’m just saying that they are a group of talented receivers who seem to posses an array of skills- size, speed and strength. They are unassuming to the general public, but you don’t want to mess with them. And let’s be honest- the skirts might actually look better than those things the Ducks call uniforms.
Defense- Scooby Doo
The Ducks defense gets the job done- somehow. Despite the fact that their plans are seemingly foiled, that it often looks like they are wandering around aimlessly, and that they sometimes seem scared of the very offenses they are trying to stop, they manage to luck into winning games and making key defensive stops. Maybe it’s just that the offense (Velma) is constantly bailing them out. But whatever they’re doing, it works. Not to mention, I’m sure those big guys on defense are constantly looking for food when they should be watching film or working out.
With a cast like this, how can Oregon lose on Saturday? Sure, ASU has Rudy Carpenter. But Carpenter is no match for Scooby Doo and the power puff girls. And really, has the roadrunner ever lost? Chalk this one up for Donald Duck and the gang: Oregon 38, ASU 17.